The Unspoken
Last Friday, October 31, 2008, I was supposed to go at his place because he volunteered to install and anti – virus software in my notebook. He not me set the time I was supposed to go there, it was at 7:00pm or 8:00pm.
I spent the day like an ordinary week day. I went to work and went home the usual time like it wasn’t All Saint’s Day tomorrow, when all else were having half of their day off for those who are going home in their provinces. I went to Dangwa after work to buy flowers for my Dad, Grandpa and Grandma since I am not going home. I couldn’t think of myself just spending two days there. It’ll just burn me out so as usual I’m going to just send those to Mom.
When I was home, I spent some spare time resting while watching “They Kiss Again” on tv. And then when it was done, I went to the bus terminal to send the flowers. Busted, they wouldn’t accept it because they wanted it to be placed on a box. I kept on insisting but they didn’t even budge. So busted, I went back and started looking for a box that can accommodate the largeness of the flowers. There wasn’t any that will fit until I found my large paper bag I got from the Hero Zone Convention in 2006. It fit but I still had to cut the ends of the flowers. And so there it was, finally at the hands of the people at the terminal ready to be sent to my Mom.
It was already 7:00pm and he hasn’t said anything to me through text. I decided that if he hasn’t texted me yet until 7:30 pm I will be eating out. I sent him a message telling him to text me when he gets to his place. I didn’t receive any decent reply. It was already 7:45pm and still has no reply. I have already finished my meal and it was now 8:30pm, I guess. I was watching ‘The Exorcism of Emily Rose” then on TV5 when I heard the stupid phone rang. I knew it, it must be him. I answered it and as usual I didn’t hear any answer from the other line. It was him.
Jov: Magsalita ka Kennedy!!
Kennedy: Laughs
Jov: Next time naman,kung hindi mo pala magagawa sabihin mo agad. Eh kung gawin ko kaya sayo yun.
Kennedy: Na-lowbatt kasi ako eh.
Jov: Eh di sana naki-text ka.
Kennedy: Hindi ko kabisado number mo eh,landline lang.
Jov: Mas importante ang cellphone.
Kennedy: Ginabi na kasi kami eh,kasi naghahabol na.
Jov: Yun nga eh,kung alam mo palang di ka makakauwi ng maaga. Panu na lang kung naghhihintay ako sa labas,eh di naghintay na ako dun ng matagal!
Kennedy: Alam ko naman na di ka naghihintay eh.
Jov: Eh di sana kung tinext mo na lang malamang tulog ka na ngayon.
Biglang iniba ang usapan. Nagtanong ng kung anu anu na movies na I haven’t heard of.
Kennedy: Punta ka na lang dito. Di pa ako kumakain eh.
Jov: Bakit pa ako pupunta eh the only purpose ay dahil lang dun.
Kennedy: Cge tawag na lang ulit ako.
Jov: Oh bat ka pa tatawag eh di kung magpahinga ka na lang.
Kennedy; Ok,ayoko ng makipag-argue.
Jov; Ako din!
Kennedy: Ok,ba-bye,good night!
In our 15 minute conversation, I never heard him say sorry. I mean, I was also the first one to urge him to talk about our supposed meet – up tonight. He could even manage a laugh. He is such an insensitive brat! Was I supposed to say to him, “hey maybe you should say sorry?” Doesn’t he use his head that it’s exactly the thing I’m pointing at that’s why I sound like that on the phone! Or he’s just a plain insensible dick. It’s not just today that something like this has happened. For the record, it is the second time around. The first one was still about that failed Harry Potter book series he promised in December. It still bugs me until now whenever I remember it. Again, today though it’s not a promise but he volunteered again to install anti – virus in my notebook. It wasn’t my idea; it was his so he should stand by his word. If he can’t for some reason then he should just explain his side and say sorry. Just this, just this but it feels so hard for him to do it. If he thinks this is just a petty thing, it’s not for me. Yeah, you may be freakin’ tired but there’s no excuse just say sorry. How hard is that?!
For the years that I’ve known him, I have never heard him say sorry for his faults to me. Never, not even once. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with the word SORRY that he feels he will choke when he say it. Or if there’s something wrong with him because it’s not included in his vocabulary. Maybe he just wasn’t the type of person who says the PATHETIC WORD SORRY. He just wasn’t a person who apologizes or resents his faults to other people. Or he thinks I’m not worthy enough for his once in a blue moon and most treasured SORRY.
I can’t convince myself even more that he’s ever serious with whatever that’s going on between us. I guess he’ll never have the guts to say what he really means. About what we really have and what I really am for him. What I know is that I’m sure of myself and what he is for me. But if he can’t even gather himself to say the stupid word SORRY in simple situations like this, I guess he’ll never have. If he can’t even say SORRY how could he even say those three words that are said too much. Maybe he’ll never have or never will until he learns to say SORRY.
