Two in a Row
It’s been two years since I graduated college. Looking back, I couldn’t help but feel discontented and disgusted about myself and what I’ve really become. We were rooted with the notion that, if you graduate with honors in college; things will open much better for you. But they were wrong and we were wrong to believe such a false predicament. With all the discrimination surrounding in this crappy country, it wasn’t as easy as they wanted us to think it will be. I hate it when I see some ads that say, “WE PREFER GRADUATES OF LA SALLE, ATENEO, UP “. I really hate it, sure I wanted to get to UP then and I had nothing against these schools. However, this is a form of ridicule. I mean, how can someone get a fair chance; when at the start you’ve been put down already? Another scenario, when a clever kid from a not – so high end school luckily landed a job in super elite company; the discrimination is all over him. Just being with people from the Big 3; seniors and others; and the way they look at you is nothing but mockery.
My official first taste was as an Events and Communication Assistant in a health related company in Makati. I did like the work and I found most people there to be really nice and accommodating for an amateur like me. I’ve never really been someone who’s headstrong and beaming with overzealous confidence. But they were really friendly to me, especially Ate Irene, Kuya Bombet and Ms. Leizel. I had a good time staying with their company except for one. I really like my job, I get to write with the newsletter, although it’s wasn’t really rigorous writing but I like it. And, I get to exercise my lay outing skills. Apart from these, I do events once in a while. It was practically just me most of the time. I only get some help with Ms. Leizel and Kuya Noel but majority was all upon me. But then, one couldn’t be so happy.
I spent two months finding a replacement job. I did get to be accepted in a certain company, but I just had this nagging feeling that something wasn’t right. Then I finally landed a job in a public relations firm. At first, everything seemed to be doing well because everything was so new to me. I didn’t really care much about politics then. This was really at par with my previous work. But this work made me more aware about politics and media; it wasn’t actually a bad thing at all. However, after a year or so; it just really started to be just the same. I feel as if I’m walking on circles, not knowing where I’m headed. I’m really no better, I’m no good. I’m not even sure of what I’ve actually become. I’ve never even practiced my writing for the past year. I’ve been stagnant; I don’t think I’m ever using my head anymore. I’m not reaching my full capacity and the worse, I stopped learning and developing. Let’s just say, I’m bored as if I’m getting swallowed by a big shadow. Although, I also had bored sessions then but not really like this. Maybe I’m just looking for some adventure but neither am I looking for torture.
On one side, I’m not saying I don’t like my work now. I’m okay but I’m no better. I also like the people here a lot; they seem to be like a new family. I get some extra pay once in a while and I’m not just talking about over time. Although it still isn’t enough, this is beside the point. However, I know it would really help a lot. They’re really good to me particularly boss number 2. Even though he isn’t boss number one; B2 is the most generous and nicest among them. Unlike the previous one I had who wasn’t approachable in any way. However, I have to admit a fact, I think I like my old job better. I just need to be honest with myself but I like the people here better. That maybe because, were just five in the firm; unlike my previous work wherein where like 25 or something.
I honestly feel like I should do something else, other than what I’m doing now. I’m not even sure if I should start looking for a new job right now. Maybe, it could do better if I do get in that freelance writing job I applied. I just hope they call soon for the orientation. I hope I’m not getting my hopes wasted. I’m sure it will perk up my senses; my head; my body and my dormant being. If I can’t enroll this year for masterals, I might as well just enroll for a language course or some photography; writing workshops I could find. If I can’t find any chance of development in my work now, then I’ll just have to find something on my own.
I just feel so worthless at times. I think this life is stupid. I just have to do something. Something that I’m not doing as of the moment.
