April 27,2007
Friday

STRESS AT BADTRIP

Ang hirap hirap maghanap ng work sobra,parang one in a million ang makakuha ng trabaho sa mundong ito.Tapos ang nakakainis pa ung akala mo pasok na tas hindi pa pala tapos ganun un mangyayari sayo sa training at sasabihan ka pa ng ganun. Nakakaloka. Tapos dagdagan mo pa ng mga taong di kanais nais makita sa pamamahay na tinitirhan mo.

Naisip ko lang ang swerte nung mga anak mayaman. Basta matapos lang sa pag-aaral kahit pasang awa pa yan ok lang,me naghihintay na sa kanila na trabaho at boss agad sila. Di ba?petiks lang!di nila kailangang dumaan sa hirap ng paghahanap,ng interview,meron agad at di lang basta meron sa mataas na position pa.Napakaswerte nila and yet ang dami pa ring mga anak mayaman na napapariwara despite being so blessed.

Pero alam naman ni God na pinaghihirapan ko naman ang lahat. Kaya sana ay biyayaan niya ako dahil kelangan ko talaga makakuha ng trabaho. Oo nga Cum Laude nga ako pero it doesn't make sense if I can't even prove it. Sinimulan ko na siya na maganda kaya dapat ipagtuloy ko din na maganda. Anong silbi ng pagiging Cum Laude ko kung di ko rin pala gagamitin.Ayoko na iparis ako ng mga tao sa ibang tao diyan. Dahil hindi natatapos ang buhay sa college,sa pagiging Cum Laude. Dahil ako me pangarap ako at me kahihiyan ako. Ayokong umasa sa ibang tao smantalang masyado na silang madaming nagawa sa akin kaya panahon na para ako naman ang magbalik nun.

Ayoko magaya sa isang tao na kuntento sa kung anong meron siya. Kuntento na basta me nakakain pero hindi naman niya pera. Me natutulugan pero hindi naman niya bahay. Me entertainment kabilaan pa internet,tv,playstation pero hindi nman sa kaniya.At higit sa lahat makapal ang mukhang maglaki and yet wla naman siya mapagmamalaki.Makapal ang mukhang manita eh wla naman siya inaakyat na pera sa bahay na to. Ang kapal na magreklamo eh maghapon,araw araw,taon taon sa buhay buhay niya na wala siyang ginagawa kundi magpakasaya.Hidi kaya siya nahihiya? Ah hindi na nga kasi sanay na siya sa kampanteng buhay. Hindi kaya siya nakokonsensiya?Hindi na rin kasi kung meron pa siya niyan di sana nun pa.

Basta ako patutunayan ko ang sarili ko pangako yan at hindi ako magiging kagaya niya.

Cum Laude

I just found out this Tuesday April3.Now finally it's official. Still I couldn't believe my eyes. I've told no one yet except Anna, Jinky and Kat. It's like really cool inside and so weird that I went this far. I couldn't believe myself. WOW. Thank you God cause you answered my prayers.But I'm happy really happy it's just that it's really very surprising still. I'm very lucky and very blessed.

Not So Over

By the way that April 15 thing,it's not gonna happen at all. It was my idea. See,he agreed so quick, that's cause he's just being pulled over to this because of the favor I'm giving him. And atleast we won't be spending so much money and time.I sure know,he doesn't want to be with me. So instead he'll just give me a graduation gift on April 15. And really there's no difference if we'll go out or he'll just come here. The things is that,if we go out,it'll just be so hard for me again. Atleast if he's just coming here,surely he won't stay long cause that's what he do always.

Disappear

April 05,2007

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Today is Maundy Thursday. I spent the day half sleeping and when I woke up I spent my time watching without complete immersion and thinking,deep thinking.

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Last night, I couldn't sleep and I was thinking in the darkness of my room about what I just did that day. After 2 monts and 2 days,we finally get to see each other again. I last saw him last January 1. It really made me upset from the time I woke up yesterday. Right, I was late but he shouldn't brag me like that. It seems like he's forgetting who's asking a favor. Was it me or him? And what's wrong with it,it's still so early so why's he so irritated. I couldn't figure him out. And because of him, I even forgot the paper in which I wrote Jackie's student number. When I arrived at Jollibee,they were not there at all. Since I forgot the paper, I went to a nearby computer shop to check again. Then he called,they were inside already. So I went in and found him with his sister. He looks just the same. It's just that he's got lots of pimples in his face. Why's that?Whenever I get to see him, he got this plenty of pimples in his face. Offourse,he sure did notice that I got my hair cut. But sure do,he won't compliment me about it. I told him that I can handle this now, you can go and he was out. The enrollment was pretty easy and fast except for the medical examination. We were finished at 11AM. I bought a lunch for the two of us at McDo and told her that after we've finished I'll text your brother to get you. But sue me,she told me when I got back that he's coming. Ohhh my,I really don't like the feeling of being watch while I eat. So I ate fast and did not enjoy my food. Then he came,he was pushing me to treat him because I gave his sister a treat. Hell no! I wasn't really talking when he sat down. I was texting,pretending. Then I said we should go cause I still need to go some place. He asked me if I had a date and where will I be going. I said just somewhere and I don't have a date. As we were walking,he was telling me about this reunion. Then go,I said. I'm not going and you should. Then we parted ways.

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Am I being too nice now?!Let's face it sister,you're doing this because I like him I mean more than that. Though apart from this,I like his sister too.What I really hate is that it's so hard to move away. I'm not really going to forget him totally but atleast I'll have my distance. As Elaine have told me,I should start avoiding him. That's not easy. I should not make it obvious cause ofcourse he's still my friend after all.What I also hate is that I've been doing so many things for him and yet he doesn't really know how to thank me. He never did anything for me on free will. Yes,there were times that he comes by but that was long ago. If he ever asked me out just cause I did a favor but if there's no favor he won't be doing it. He never did something for me without any reasons at all or any favor. If I asked something from him,he have this so many excuses.

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Maybe I'm wrong to still be hoping that he'll ever like me or love me. Maybe he's really not going to notice and appreciate all my efforts. Maybe, I'm just going to get stucked hoping but nothing of it will be real.